Killing Your Inner Self

I wanted to kill cute TOKYO SAV??? SHAME ON ME.

What's your inner self? It's the person who makes up who you are. The person who has been there during the hardships. The person who had their first breakup, had their childhood friend moves away, lost their balloon at the fair, got into screaming fights with their parents, drank too much at the club, and never learned to do their taxes. The inner self is a broad spectrum of your whole life's story.

I wanted to kill that person. I wanted the past version of me to be dead. I wanted to tabula rasa everything I once was.

Do you know what someone told me when I told them that? They told me that was sad. You talk of wanting to harm the parts you don't like, but it sounds more to me like that person needed a hug and someone to bring her ice cream.

WHY DID THIS RESONATE SO MUCH WITH ME.

I've made mistakes and I've had mistakes happen to me. The shame I was holding for a girl who wasn't equipped the way I am today. Does that sound like someone who deserves to die? I needed someone there for me. The number of mistakes I could have avoided had I just been more open on my thoughts.

I think back on it now and no longer want to hurt that younger image of me. I want to help her. I want to sit her down and just talk to her. Tell her that she doesn't have to do these things to fit in or to feel loved. Don't hurt yourself over this.

Next time you're stuck in the past. Thinking of what's been done to you or you have done to yourself...remember that was a version that didn't yet have the knowledge you have today and instead of being mean to them, just think of what you would say to be there for them.

Some lessons I've learned:

1. You are not your past mistakes

2. Take care of your inner self. Hug them and care for them.