Let's talk Therapy

Before proceeding with my personal experiences, let me emphasize that this is my experience! Everyone has their own thoughts about it and do what you think is best for yourself.

I had my first therapy session since September yesterday. I don't really know how to feel about it and I don't know if I need therapy in general or if I'm just being delusional about what I need or don't need. I talk a lot and I cry a lot, but I find in therapy it's hard for me to reach that cathartic moment between the two.

It's difficult because just like with anything that's good for you, it's more about trusting the process than anything. Having an outside source summarize all my thoughts makes me feel like they're not a big deal, as though maybe my problems weren't problems at all. Which sounds good in perspective? But in practice, I don't want my thoughts to seem small.

Anyway, clearly, my thoughts are all over the place. I think the positive I got out of it this time was just the ability to cry some more. I sometimes think I just haven't cried enough and have been holding back so being able to sit by myself and cry some more was nice. Otherwise, it's hard to have a new therapist and think from scratch and it's also scary to start it in the first place. I was anxious all day thinking it was going to happen, but I did it so there definitely is a sense of accomplishment there.

So will I keep going? I think so...I'm going to try it for a few more sessions before I decide if this is the kind of therapy for me. I've been to more than one therapist and honestly have only managed to scratch the surface with most and it would be interesting to find a therapist who I could really dig in with. I am also interested in trying out different forms of therapy, but as someone who is already nervous to try the most traditional one out then, that will be my own journey to take over time.

Thank you for listening to this stream of consciousness. I realize I may not have touched upon much, but I want to open a conversation and normalize the practice of therapy. I wanted to bring it up on my main Instagram, but I felt embarrassed? I'm not ashamed and I think it's good to do, but something in the back of my head made me feel embarrassed and I think that's definitely a shame I still feel this way. Society has conditioned me to think it's taboo, so even though I may not be able to bring this up yet to my wide audience, I wanted to test the waters of how open I could be about it somewhere.

There's no shame in therapy. There's no shame in reaching out. If you haven't tried it then don't bash it. I think a message I hope to get across throughout my journey is that you need to keep trying new things to see what works. You have nothing to lose and a lot more to gain by trying things out.